Couch Potato: Florida can clinch or lose SEC East to Tennessee

Couch Potato: Florida can clinch or lose SEC East to Tennessee

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This dumpster fire symbolizes the SEC East title race, which can become less smoky and stinky after Saturday's results. (Source: Peretz Partensky/Wikimedia Commons) This dumpster fire symbolizes the SEC East title race, which can become less smoky and stinky after Saturday's results. (Source: Peretz Partensky/Wikimedia Commons)

(RNN) - If this week’s slate of SEC TV games were a year, it would be 2016.

Except for Couch Potato readers, pretty much all the cool people have died since January: David Bowie, Prince, Phife Dawg, Merle Haggard, Ralph Stanley, Guy Clark, Leon Russell. Mose Allison, Leonard Cohen, Arnold Palmer, Pat Summitt,  Pat Conroy, W.P. Kinsella, Harper Lee, Patty Duke, Nancy Reagan and even Miss Cleo.

All the cool games – they’re next week. Until then, see below. All times Eastern.

Florida at LSU, 1 p.m., SECN

This is the game that was squabbled over, rescheduled and finally moved to Baton Rouge after Florida postponed the Oct. 8 game in Gainesville because a giant hurricane threatened.

Florida is barely holding on to their lead in the SEC East, they've already tied a knot in the rope and now, this LSU thing happens. On the upside, if they beat the Tigers, they can win the SEC East. On the downside, if they lose, which most people think they will, they're done to a golden turn.

Because if that happens and if Tennessee beats the woeful Missouri and Vandy next week, the only way the Gators go to the SEC Championship Game is if they buy tickets.

They are a 13.5-point road dog at LSU, whose defense ran with Alabama sideline-to-sideline for 60 minutes and held the Tide to 10 points. The Tigers might have won if the Tide’s defense wasn’t like a great, great wall that Mexico paid for.

Florida’s defense is more like a line of orange traffic cone you bought at Walmart. Their offense, well, the fellas have a lot of school spirit and seem to be genuinely nice guys, and we wish them all the best of luck now and in their future endeavors.

In hindsight, Florida probably should have gone ahead and played the game in October if they had to gear up in wet-suits and snorkeling equipment.

But the Gators are nothing if not unpredictable, so maybe they’ll pull off the big upset right after the flying saucers land.

Missouri at Tennessee, 3:30 p.m. ET, CBS

Sports entertainment pickings are so slim that Mizzou, 3-7, is half of the SEC Game of the Week, brought to you by CBS. No disrespect, UM fans, that Truman is a super thing to behold.

But the Vol train is gathering steam after big wins over Tennessee Tech and Kentucky, and if Florida loses at LSU, they have but to win here and next week against Vanderbilt to proudly gather the charred banner of the East Division from the smoking dumpster and bear it proudly into Atlanta and fairly certain destruction by Alabama's pitiless destroyers of all things.

In case you want to watch any of the other games, here are a few quick facts to make the experience more enjoyable.

Texas San Antonio’s nickname is the Roadrunners and their mascot is called Rowdy, represented as a large, fuzzy, orange-and-blue birdlike creature.

Louisiana-Lafayette is the home of the Ragin’ Cajuns, and if you are ever in Lafayette, go eat at Prejean’s, you will not regret it. But you might have to take a Lipitor before dessert.

Western Carolina is known as the Catamounts, which are giant mountain lion sort of beasts, not those things grandfather had to have surgically removed from his eyes.

The Austin Peay Governors are named for Gov. Austin Peay of Tennessee, who signed into law the bill that made it illegal to teach evolution in state schools. This gave us the Scopes Monkey Trial and a great movie called “Inherit the Wind,” which was really about McCarthyism, but that’s enough about that.

The UT-Chattanooga sports collective is called the Mocs, which is short for Mockingbirds, who are going to get killed by Alabama, which is the home of Harper Lee, who wrote the book from which this joke is taken.

Alabama A&M is just the plain, old Bulldogs, but they are located in a place called Normal, AL. I used to hang out with a couple of guys who graduated from A&M, and normal is not a word I’d use to describe them.

In other news, Arkansas plays at Mississippi State at 6 p.m. on ESPNU and Ole Miss travels to Vanderbilt at 8 p.m. on SECN.

Copyright 2016 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

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